


not saying it

by samcaarter



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 04:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21112469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samcaarter/pseuds/samcaarter
Summary: Then he speaks, and she thinks she’s a fucking idiot for assuming he wouldn’t understand what she couldn’t say.





	not saying it

Home.

She probably imagines it, but even the air is different here. For all that she’s heard about and seen alternate universes, she has never actually been to one. Well, until now.

Only two weeks, but to Sam they felt like months. If she ever sees Daniel again, she’ll ask him if he felt as desperate and trapped in _his_ alternate reality.

Jack shifts slightly, lying there with his front pressed to her back, his arms tight around her, and Sam smiles. Yes, she’s home. In her universe, her house, his arms. And she never wants to be anywhere else again.

“You’re thinking too loudly,” Jack mumbles against her neck. His warm breath making her shiver.

“Interrupting your beauty sleep?” she teases.

“Sleep isn’t going to help me with that,” he says and Sam frowns. No matter what he says, he’s a handsome man. But she can’t deny he looked worn around the edges when he appeared in her house in a flash of white light just hours ago. Saving the other Earth and getting back home kept her occupied, but he spent that time waiting, not knowing if he’d ever see her again. If she was even still alive.

She turns to face him. The light from a street lamp is filtering in, illuminating him just enough. His eyes are closed and there are dark circles underneath, but he looks at ease. Relaxed. Relieved. It makes Sam’s heart clench painfully in her chest.

“Aren’t you tired?” he says, keeping his eyes closed.

Sam shakes her head slightly. “Not really.”

He opens one eye. “Then I haven’t done my job.”

She laughs. “Oh, you have, trust me.” She would be hard pressed not to call their lovemaking or the way they simply clung to each other afterwards desperate. And her body _is_ tired, the adrenaline of the last two weeks is finally wearing off, but her mind is buzzing. Especially now that he’s not distracting her anymore.

Sam slides one leg between his, trying to get closer even though they’re already as close as they can be. As if reading her thoughts, he rolls onto his back, taking her with him, making her lie half on top of him, bare skin to bare skin all the way.

“Wanna tell me what you’re thinking?” he says, lips pressing to her forehead.

“Nothing specific, just thinking.”

“Well, stop. It’s waking me up.” He sounds grumpy, but his fingers move up and down her spine, and she thinks he’s considering distracting her again. Tired or not, she won’t say no to that.

“I can think quietly,” she says into his chest.

His sigh and tone are way too dramatic to be believable. “Even if you could, it’s not worth it, I’m wide awake now.”

_‘They must’ve realized I’m more trouble than I’m worth.’ ‘Hmph. I remember I said the same thing the day we got divorced.’_

The way she tenses up doesn’t go unnoticed by Jack, of course.

“Carter?” he asks.

She can’t lie to herself and say this isn’t one of her biggest fears. That she’s not worth bothering with. The scars, the baggage, the nightmares. The whole Pete mess and Jack’s unwillingness to say anything out of fear of crossing some line didn’t help either. And they’re together _now_, but this feeling stubbornly refuses to go away.

Her silence must concern Jack because his fingers poke her in the ribs, making her raise her head.

She props herself up on one elbow and looks at him. “When I was in that reality, there was something McKay told me.”

Jack’s expression hardens when he hears McKay’s name. He knows the gist of what happened there, and she knows that neither of them are thrilled with her counterpart’s choices.

“He told me I was more trouble than I was worth.”

One of Jack’s hands finds hers and clasps it tightly against his chest, as if he’s afraid she might run. “He’s an idiot.”

She huffs out a laugh. “She didn’t think so.”

“Maybe she was an idiot, too. You know I have the highest opinion of you, but come on, Sam. McCoy?”

“I’m not interested in analyzing the other me’s choices,” she says, feeling impatient.

“Then what?”

Sam stares at him, his expression now open and confused, and realizes that she can’t say it. Can’t force the words past her lips. She’s supposed to be strong and this isn’t it. So she shakes her head, swallowing the question down her throat. “Nothing. Never mind. Go to sleep.”

Shifting slightly, she gets herself comfortable and tries not to think.

Jack doesn’t argue. He's silent for so long that she figures he’s finally fallen asleep. But then he speaks, and she thinks she’s a fucking idiot for assuming he wouldn’t understand what she couldn’t say.

“You are, you know,” he says, his voice gentle.

Sam closes her eyes against the sudden press of tears.

“Worth it. Everything. And all the trouble in between.”

The world suddenly shifts and when she opens her eyes he’s hovering over her.

“Never doubt it, Carter,” he says, looking her in the eye, tenderness and sincerity and conviction in his voice. It only makes her feel more guilty and ashamed for ever trying to leave him behind.

She makes a sound at the back of her throat and wraps her arms around his back, pulling him down, welcoming his weight on top of her. Jack doesn’t object, simply presses his lips to her temple and gives her time.

When she doesn’t feel like her emotions are going to get the best of her, she loosens the grip she has on him and Jack pulls back a little bit, just enough to look at her.

“Alright?”

Sam nods, not trusting her voice to speak.

Jack nods back at her. “Good. Think you can sleep now?”

He doesn’t wait for her answer, just rolls onto his back and takes her with him again. His arms wrap securely around her, and Sam rests her head on his chest.

“You’re worth it, too,” she says, needing him to know.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. While you were gone I, uh,” he trails off.

Sam lifts her head. “What did you do?” She knows he hasn’t been fired, but…

Jack cringes. “I may have been rude to some people.”

“Rude?” Sam echoes, feeling confused.

“Hey, you were rude to people when Maybourne got me stranded on that damn moon,” he says, sounding defensive.

She sighs, she doesn’t exactly regret it, now anyway, but that wasn’t her proudest moment. “Please tell me you weren’t rude to Bill.”

Jack grins. “Nah. Your people are great. Everyone at the SGC knew you’d turn up one day. Not that it made it any easier to wait, mind you. But no one gave up hope.”

It makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, despite the fact that the whole command has proven itself time and time again. “Then who?” Sam narrows her eyes at him.

He squirms a little, which isn’t easy considering she’s lying half on top on him. “Owens.”

Sam doesn’t fight a smile. “Really?” She’s met Senator Owens a couple of times, and he always, _most graciously_, shared his oh so many opinions on oh so many different things with her.

It’s Jack’s turn to narrow his eyes at her. “Are you happy about this?”

She shrugs. “It wouldn’t be the first time you told a senator off.”

“Yeah, well, unfortunately Hayes didn’t find this as funny. Fortunately,” he lowers his voice, “Owens has some dreadful opinions on cake and baseball, so I think the President was secretly on my side.”

Sam grins. “See, and you say he doesn’t like you. But, uh, does it mean you were, uh, defending my honor?”

Jack considers it for a moment and then nods. “Yes. Yes, I think I was.”

Sam looks at him, cheeks aching a little from smiling, feeling happiness bubble up in her chest, which she thinks is partly a reaction to everything that’s happened, but mostly just the effect he has on her.

“My hero,” she whispers, leaning down to kiss him. And as his arms wrap around her shoulders and his mouth opens under hers, she thinks it’s great that it’s their day off, because they are not going to sleep any time soon.


End file.
